Well folks, not only did I finish the Julie Hughes Triathalon, I WON MY DIVISION. Thank you very much. In 1 hour and 45 minutes, I ran 5 miles, rode my bike 15 miles and swam 1000 yards. Numero Uno, the Cream of the Crop as it were...I see there is a question on the right side of the auditorium; go ahead Mr. Kerneski, what was that? How many people in my division? Well one...me.
If I sound like a wrestler, perhaps its because I have been noting the passing of the Macho Man Randy Savage. The man, quite possibly, was the best promotional interview in WWF history. I've decided to include two of his best here for your viewing pleasure: The Cream will rise to the Top and The Beat Goes On. If you liked those you might also want to search Macho Man interview with Mean Gene. Enjoy.
The training goes on for the pledge run; this week I will have to check out my stunt liver as we are having the Centennial of Naval Aviation Celebration Fly-in at work. Lots of networking to do with my DOD brethren, which leads me to the more important lesson this week of not teaching your kids to read.
Why wouldn't you teach your kids to read you ask? Well for one, if you have cable TV, the directory portion on the television presents the challenge of knowing exactly when the adult movie titles come up on the schedule. There is nothing more exasperating than having your young reader blurt out "Why are Moms on the Prowl?" as you are looking for the NHL playoffs (and I was-seriously); the only thing that is worse is the video section in any Southern California Frye's Electronics Store, which, if you have been there, goes from the best films produced by Disney to Vivid video's budget pile almost immediately, thus leaving you with the physical challenge of blinding your children while also retreating around the other families who have also stumbled onto this hidden Valhalla of adult self-gratification. Nothing is better.
I just read that last sentence, if you are able to as well, I congratulate you and thank you for your diligence in reading possibly the most entertaining blog on the entire internet. Next week, I'll go over my continuing quest to destroy the Golden Nostril Hair and my training efforts in preparation for the 6017 Memorial Pledge Run. Have a great week.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
THE RUN IS JUNE 11th-CALL OFF THE RAPTURE
Tomorrow I will endure the Julie Hughes Triathalon. It is a relatively short (5 mile run/between 10 and 14 mile bike ride (depending on who you talk to/1000 meter (or yard)) event. The reason I say "endure" is that this will be the most exercise I have voluntarily tried in about...well since I was 21, so like 5 years ago. In fact, the most recent Feat of Strength I have put myself through was agreeing to do the U.S. Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer physical fitness test if Notre Dame lost to Navy in football. This was in 2007. I mean, when was the last time ND lost to Navy-yeah I know, 1964; seemed like a sure thing at the time-stupid Notre Dame with their anti-papist theology department (Sorry Uncle Bill). About 9 months later I was able to complete my end of the bargain and finish the Rescue Swimmer PFT in one piece, mostly thanks to Jake Stall and his friend, Toedar, Leghair of the North. The reason I bring this up is:
1. I'm a bit nervous about the event (pre-game jitters if you will) and
2. To segue into the subject of PLEDGE RUN PARLAYS.
Whenever I speak to someone about the run, eventually the conversation moves to one of three subjects:
Why I am doing this (to raise money for a very worthy cause that is tax-deductible (there is the plug for this week-you can give by clicking on the link in the upper right hand corner of the page));
Was it humanly possible for Wilt Chamberlain to reach the non-basketball achievements he claimed (I think no, but it does depend on what the meaning of "achieved" means);
What I am willing to carry with me, do or wear while running up Gavin Hill and Harbor Mountain in order to raise more money for the memorial.
These parlays/side-bets/dares have ranged from wearing a prime rib on my back to the spandex/viking helmet combo to imbibing Navy rum during the run (read the comments section). Because I think it will help to set some guidelines and perhaps assist you, the international blog reader, in providing me with some creative choices-because who wants to run up a hill in running shoes, workout gear and a Camelback? I offer you this short, hopefully informative GUIDE TO PLEDGE RUN PARLAYS.
1. Any challenges which may endanger my person, sound crazy or cause my wife to shake her head- $5000 donation
2. Challenges designed to make it more difficult to get up the hill and/or make you laugh-$1000
3. Challenges designed to highlight my innate and uncanny ability to look like a nimrod (and no, not the hunter)-free
Well, that is about it. If you make the donation and note it in the remarks section of the CG Foundation online form, I will do my best to make it happen and provide video evidence on this blog following the run. If you do offer a parlay, please keep in my I will be following the guidance of the Seal show at the San Diego Zoo while running up the course in that I will be taking only pictures and leaving only footprints (and perhaps vomit), and that at a minimum, I have to be home by dinner.
1. I'm a bit nervous about the event (pre-game jitters if you will) and
2. To segue into the subject of PLEDGE RUN PARLAYS.
Whenever I speak to someone about the run, eventually the conversation moves to one of three subjects:
Why I am doing this (to raise money for a very worthy cause that is tax-deductible (there is the plug for this week-you can give by clicking on the link in the upper right hand corner of the page));
Was it humanly possible for Wilt Chamberlain to reach the non-basketball achievements he claimed (I think no, but it does depend on what the meaning of "achieved" means);
What I am willing to carry with me, do or wear while running up Gavin Hill and Harbor Mountain in order to raise more money for the memorial.
These parlays/side-bets/dares have ranged from wearing a prime rib on my back to the spandex/viking helmet combo to imbibing Navy rum during the run (read the comments section). Because I think it will help to set some guidelines and perhaps assist you, the international blog reader, in providing me with some creative choices-because who wants to run up a hill in running shoes, workout gear and a Camelback? I offer you this short, hopefully informative GUIDE TO PLEDGE RUN PARLAYS.
1. Any challenges which may endanger my person, sound crazy or cause my wife to shake her head- $5000 donation
2. Challenges designed to make it more difficult to get up the hill and/or make you laugh-$1000
3. Challenges designed to highlight my innate and uncanny ability to look like a nimrod (and no, not the hunter)-free
Well, that is about it. If you make the donation and note it in the remarks section of the CG Foundation online form, I will do my best to make it happen and provide video evidence on this blog following the run. If you do offer a parlay, please keep in my I will be following the guidance of the Seal show at the San Diego Zoo while running up the course in that I will be taking only pictures and leaving only footprints (and perhaps vomit), and that at a minimum, I have to be home by dinner.
Friday, May 13, 2011
NASCAR DOESN'T DRIVE ON MOTHER'S DAY in America
As I promised about two entries ago, I would give a detailed description of what I am carrying up the Gavin Hill/Harbor Mountain Trails in the event I run into a bear, wolverine, avalanche or Taliban. If you are familiar with SE Alaska you know the only thing we have not confirmed as being up in the Baranof Island mountains are Taliban. Anyway, I was going to provide a detailed description of the Emergency Action Pack, but since I have a small attention span, I keep getting interested in other things (ooo, butterflies!) and the pack planning keeps getting sidetracked. So far, the EAP consists of a Camelback water system, whistle, knife, light and Vaseline. I'm not even sure what I'm going to do with the Vaseline, but since I told my buddy Feve I would bring it, I figured I should because how often does something suggested as an offhanded joke and then discarded be needed later on in an actual emergency? I know, I don't want to take that chance either.
By the way, anyone who can come up with a reasonable explanation for the preceding sentence, that does not involve mental deficiency as the primary reason, will have a $25 donation to the memorial fund made in their name. If you can diagram the sentence and email to me, I will donate $50 and post it on the blog (the sentence diagram).
Ok, so another reason why you are not getting the full EAP list are the recent news items that Usama bin Laden was an avid email correspondent. Now I'm sure there were dozens, probably hundreds of emails about bringing down Western civilization and starting the Islamic Caliphate to stretch once again from the Western Med to the Pacific, but I have to believe there were a couple of run of the mill "admin" emails from a guy who did not leave his house for over, apparently, five years:
Dear Ali,
I got your last email, thank you for paying my late fine to the Abottabod Blockbuster for the third season of Lost. I haven't seen season four and I don't want to get on the late fine watch list with that shop. If you have a chance, could you pick a magic 8 ball on your next trip to the market? My eight kids are getting kind of bored cooped up in here and I also could use another resource when making major decisions. Hope all is well. Talk to you soon,
binnie
Sorry for the digression, but I think it's possible, however remote. So the training continues for the BIG RUN. Swam twice this week and ran once so far (if you've got a chance to check out the Sitka FAA weather cam today do it-it is awesome out), plus I walked across town (once again, harder than it sounds for someone like me).
I see there is a question in the back, go ahead, "Mike, you can't swim up Gavin Hill can you? Why are you swimming so much?" Great question, I'm really glad you asked.
As part of the whole training process I am undertaking (specialized diet, positive mental attitude, hyperbaric sleeping chamber, HGH), I am trying to get into aerobic shape without getting so sore that it takes just over 12.5 hours to finish the 7 mile course (Marty Martenson, I understand, 4.5 miles in an hour and 15 minutes is slow, but the Alpine Run is STRENUOUS, it says so four times on the flyer). I figure swimming is a good full body workout, it makes me feel like running is actually easier because I don't feel like I'm drowning and my wife seems to enjoy it when I wear my bathing suit. Another fantastic unintended consequence of this training regimen is that I intend to compete in the Julie Hughes Triathalon, Couch Potato division. This triathalon has been going for over 20 years up here in Sitka and it raises money for cancer research.
Another big upside is you can pick one of the three stages and use a golf cart to complete it. If you do use the golf cart option, you have to go 30 seconds in Eliason Harbor with an orca.
I'm kidding, there is no couch potato division and the golf cart option was outlawed 4 years ago after the orca sprained its dorsal fin. There is a Julie Hughes Triathalon and it is a great event-I highly recommend you check into it because it is fun for all ages.
One final piece of admin business. I have unfortunately provided some bum information regarding the Sitka Alpine Run. The official Sitka Alpine Run is run by the Horan family and is not affiliated to the Sitka Adventure Sports website. If you want to get on the waiting list for this year's Alpine Run please contact Chris Horan at horan@acsalaska.net.
Next week I will get another update into the blogosphere on my race/triathalon preps, release the actual run date and give you my observations on nostril hairs in your mid-30's and the risks of teaching your children how to read. Hello to all my viewers from the UK, Turkey and Malaysia!
By the way, anyone who can come up with a reasonable explanation for the preceding sentence, that does not involve mental deficiency as the primary reason, will have a $25 donation to the memorial fund made in their name. If you can diagram the sentence and email to me, I will donate $50 and post it on the blog (the sentence diagram).
Ok, so another reason why you are not getting the full EAP list are the recent news items that Usama bin Laden was an avid email correspondent. Now I'm sure there were dozens, probably hundreds of emails about bringing down Western civilization and starting the Islamic Caliphate to stretch once again from the Western Med to the Pacific, but I have to believe there were a couple of run of the mill "admin" emails from a guy who did not leave his house for over, apparently, five years:
Dear Ali,
I got your last email, thank you for paying my late fine to the Abottabod Blockbuster for the third season of Lost. I haven't seen season four and I don't want to get on the late fine watch list with that shop. If you have a chance, could you pick a magic 8 ball on your next trip to the market? My eight kids are getting kind of bored cooped up in here and I also could use another resource when making major decisions. Hope all is well. Talk to you soon,
binnie
Sorry for the digression, but I think it's possible, however remote. So the training continues for the BIG RUN. Swam twice this week and ran once so far (if you've got a chance to check out the Sitka FAA weather cam today do it-it is awesome out), plus I walked across town (once again, harder than it sounds for someone like me).
I see there is a question in the back, go ahead, "Mike, you can't swim up Gavin Hill can you? Why are you swimming so much?" Great question, I'm really glad you asked.
As part of the whole training process I am undertaking (specialized diet, positive mental attitude, hyperbaric sleeping chamber, HGH), I am trying to get into aerobic shape without getting so sore that it takes just over 12.5 hours to finish the 7 mile course (Marty Martenson, I understand, 4.5 miles in an hour and 15 minutes is slow, but the Alpine Run is STRENUOUS, it says so four times on the flyer). I figure swimming is a good full body workout, it makes me feel like running is actually easier because I don't feel like I'm drowning and my wife seems to enjoy it when I wear my bathing suit. Another fantastic unintended consequence of this training regimen is that I intend to compete in the Julie Hughes Triathalon, Couch Potato division. This triathalon has been going for over 20 years up here in Sitka and it raises money for cancer research.
Another big upside is you can pick one of the three stages and use a golf cart to complete it. If you do use the golf cart option, you have to go 30 seconds in Eliason Harbor with an orca.
I'm kidding, there is no couch potato division and the golf cart option was outlawed 4 years ago after the orca sprained its dorsal fin. There is a Julie Hughes Triathalon and it is a great event-I highly recommend you check into it because it is fun for all ages.
One final piece of admin business. I have unfortunately provided some bum information regarding the Sitka Alpine Run. The official Sitka Alpine Run is run by the Horan family and is not affiliated to the Sitka Adventure Sports website. If you want to get on the waiting list for this year's Alpine Run please contact Chris Horan at horan@acsalaska.net.
Next week I will get another update into the blogosphere on my race/triathalon preps, release the actual run date and give you my observations on nostril hairs in your mid-30's and the risks of teaching your children how to read. Hello to all my viewers from the UK, Turkey and Malaysia!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
THE WEEKLY UPDATE THAT COMES EVERY 12 DAYS OR SO
Folks, I apologize for being late this last week with the update; part of the reason is that I was held up at work for the last week working in a place that rhymes with Makistan or if you are the President, Mockistahn. I'm joking; I was actually recovering from a game of combat twister.
I've got a couple of important pieces of info; first off, those of you who have donated to the 6017 memorial fund, I thank you, we are at $9.5K. The memorial is paid for and we are now trying to get enough funding to pay for the immediate families of Sean Krueger, Adam Hoke and Brett Banks travel in August for the memorial dedication (If I have already mentioned this, I apologize).
Second, I think this is a disturbing indication that I am becoming too assimilated into the huge miasma that is the Federal Gov't bureaucracy, but if you have tried to figure out how to actually donate to the memorial fund and have been stumped by my 6017 Google document, I am sorry, again (this entire blog entry is one long apology-there's 12 years of Catholic education for you).
I have scrapped the Google doc. If you feel like donating just follow the link in the upper right hand corner of the page marked "CG FOUNDATION ON LINE GIVING". This will get you right to the CG Foundation page; make your tax-deductible donation and type "6017 Memorial Run" in the remarks section.
This was an all-business version of the blog; next update will get back to the hi-jinks and shenanigans involved with preparing for the memorial run.
I've got a couple of important pieces of info; first off, those of you who have donated to the 6017 memorial fund, I thank you, we are at $9.5K. The memorial is paid for and we are now trying to get enough funding to pay for the immediate families of Sean Krueger, Adam Hoke and Brett Banks travel in August for the memorial dedication (If I have already mentioned this, I apologize).
Second, I think this is a disturbing indication that I am becoming too assimilated into the huge miasma that is the Federal Gov't bureaucracy, but if you have tried to figure out how to actually donate to the memorial fund and have been stumped by my 6017 Google document, I am sorry, again (this entire blog entry is one long apology-there's 12 years of Catholic education for you).
I have scrapped the Google doc. If you feel like donating just follow the link in the upper right hand corner of the page marked "CG FOUNDATION ON LINE GIVING". This will get you right to the CG Foundation page; make your tax-deductible donation and type "6017 Memorial Run" in the remarks section.
This was an all-business version of the blog; next update will get back to the hi-jinks and shenanigans involved with preparing for the memorial run.
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